I Can't Just Be Her Brother
by jensonluvsu
Summary: He's in love with his sister. Jace's musings on trying to come to terms with his feelings. He can't be her brother, because it would just be a conflict of interests. Brothers protect sisters from the guy Jace wants to be. Jace POV.
1. Chapter 1

AN: I absolutely adore Malec, but I'm going to try to fight my way into the Clary/Jace pairing. Review if it's awful; review if I got it right. I really need feedback on this.

I can't sit back and just be her brother.

Brothers don't look at their sisters like I look at her. They want to protect her from guys thinking the way I do. When little sisters get boyfriends, brothers are supposed to be protective, not jealous and brooding. They love their sisters. Just not like I love my sister.

She's so innocent. That night at the Pandemonium, she just burst into the room. She could see us. She was worried about us killing a demon. Given, at the time, she didn't know what it was. But, still. I can't even remember a time when I wasn't killing demons. Alec, Izzy, and I have been doing this as far back as I can think. The only person I can even think of that comes close to her is Max. The little kid is so much like her in that way. They haven't seen what we do every day. So much evil is around them, and they don't even know it. Maybe it's my hero complex; that's why I want to protect the two of them. Maybe it's just because the sweet naivety they have is so rare.

Everything we do is exotic and new and exciting to her. Her mother- our mother- ensured that. She kept her out of her culture. We Nephilim are her people, not that mundie she's so fond of. She should be one of us; being a Shadowhunter is her birthright. But do I really want that? Do I really want her in danger, every second of every day? Could I Mark her? Could I watch her face as I knew the Runes were burning her? I don't think I could. I guess her- our- mom made the right choice on that one. I couldn't stand to hurt her. To see her come back from a hunt bloodied and bruised would be too much for me.

She's stubborn, a true Morgenstern. But I guess it's just encoded in our DNA. Because we share DNA. As awful and wrong as that sentence is, I can't help it. I'm in love with my sister. I'm in love with my own fucking flesh and blood. My life is like a bad soap opera. My dad's an evil villain, who's still desperately in love with my comatose mother. To make matters worse, I have a thing for my sister. Soon, the entire Institute will be deadpanning to the camera.

Maybe my sister is just lovable. Even notoriously cold Izzy loves her. Mom loved _her_ enough to keep. I love her more than anything else in the world. The mundie loves her like I do. Too much. I might not be the problem. I might not be the disgusting monster I think I am. Maybe people can't help but love her. But it's not true. Rational, stoic Alec doesn't like her. He might even hate her.

So I am a monster. I've chosen to be like this. I've chosen to be no better than the demons we slay. I am on their slimy, impure level. Because I love my own sister in the all-encompasing, can't even breathe when she walks in the room kind of way.

I want to protect her like a brother should. I want to protect her from danger, so I can keep her safe. I just want her safe for me, not from me. If I were a good brother- hell, a normal brother- I wouldn't crave her touch or pine for her attention. But I can't sit back and just be her brother.

AN: I don't think I got Jace quite right. I tried making him anguished, but I don't think he's snarky enough. There's a bit in there where I tried to show his bitterness with Jocelyn, but it doesn't fit quite right. Oh well! R&R!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, I got the writing bug today, and I'm still trying to work with Jace and Clary. This is just going to be Clary's POV on her relationship with Jace. I really need feedback! I'm not sure that I've even got this couple right!**

He's my brother. And I love him. Not like I should love my brother; not like I love my mom or Luke or Simon. No, I love Jace in a completely different way. My heart skips a beat when he walks in the door, and I can barely think straight when he's talking to me. He's gorgeous. I want him in the most carnal way possible.

Jace goes on hunts all the time, and, more often than not, he comes back injured. I've seen his shoulder dislocated, arm broken, and arms covered in gashes. He's covered in scars, from his Marks and his cuts. When he leaves the Institute on any given day, there's no guarantee that he'll come back alive. And I have no power over that.

I could go out with him and Isabelle the next time they go for a fight. But I'm not trained. I'd just be dead weight. I've been out with them before, and I've hurt the mission more than I've ever helped. Jace has been hurt trying to protect me. No, it's just not a viable option for me to fight.

The last few times, I've found a reason to stay behind. I've used the excuse of feeling ill and needing to get back to Luke's store. He and Isabelle leave without me. It takes all the strength I can summon not to run out the door with them. I tell myself that it's for the best that I don't go. So I force myself to sit and wait at the Institute. I doodle to pass the time, to take my mind away from the multitude of horrid possible fates for Jace. I end up drawing golden angels, with amber eyes and blonde curls. My sketchbook is full of them.

Luke tries to keep me busy. He'll give me little jobs around his shop and show me all of his books on Downworlders. Maia and Simon come around pretty often; Maia because of Luke and Simon because of Maia. They do their best. Simon used to be able to make me laugh, but he's too busy showering Maia with all of his attention. I guess I'm just doomed not to have any guys in my life. My best friend is preoccupied with his girlfriend, my dad- Luke will always be more of a father to me than my birth father- is busy with my pregnant mother and his store to give me more than a few moments, and my brother is simply off limits.

I know it's wrong to think about my brother like that, because, well, _he's my brother. _But it's not like I can help it. Nobody can. Alec can't help who he loves. And he loves a "sparkly gay Sonic the Hedgehog." It's not like Jace is another girl, because, honestly, I think people would respond better to that than they have to us. Isabelle can't help that she's falling for another girl's boyfriend- and she's admitted as much to me. Jace isn't taken. He's just related to me.

We have the same DNA. We have the same parents. I want to cry every time I think that way. Being with him the way I want to be is gross, in everyone's eyes. Even mine. I know it's wrong and disgusting, but I just can't help it.

I love him. Just not in the way society wants me to love him. I can't love him the way I want to love him- to have him, to be held by him, to draw on his _iratze_ and help him when he comes back hurt. Because he's my brother.

**A/N: Well, looking back on this, I have no idea if I've got the timeline right. Is there a time when Jace and Clary still think they're related and Simon's dating Maia? And I did take the poetic (literary?) license to make Jocelyn pregnant, but it's just a tiny detail and you could ignore it if non-cannon things like that make you mad. I really had trouble getting into Clary's head, so I need feedback to know if I got her right. This story is my first het, and I'm not so sure I love it. And sorry it's so short! Like I said, it's hard for me to write for Clary. Alec comes so much easier! **


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